I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
