and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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