Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
