I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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