Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
