My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
