Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
