Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You were trust falling into bushes
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
