I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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