This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
