Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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