its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
