Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
