i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
