her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
