is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
