He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
