so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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