So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
