Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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