Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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