you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
