how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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