I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
