is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
