My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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