My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We are all done wearing pants today
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
