I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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