well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
