Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
