i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
how does that bad decision feel?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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