One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
