Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
