Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
