WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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