im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
