sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
