your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
