No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i wish my penis had a tongue
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
