Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
