then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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