How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
