Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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