dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
