After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i think i just lost a toe
COCAINE IS GR8
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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