glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
