We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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