things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
