a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
