Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
