I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
