my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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