Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Randomize
