I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
